


Running through my head

by Morbidiacangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, Betrayal, Hurt, Season/Series 10, ThePrisoner, ep10x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 22:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3955003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morbidiacangel/pseuds/Morbidiacangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Has no one learned from his past that good intentions do indeed carve the road to Hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running through my head

**Author's Note:**

> Written in a haze, and not beta'd. Enjoy.

“Do you screw over all your friends?” Dean asks furious striding towards Cas. The anger and betrayal are burning through him like acid eating at him more than the Mark ever did. The very people he cared about have betrayed him. 

“Sam and I were trying to cure you. We still are. We can read the book now.” Cas explains as if that makes everything better. As if that makes Charlie's death somehow worth all of this. It doesn't, and it never will. Even killing every last Styne hasn't really made the ache from Charlie's death go away. 

She'd been the innocent little sister he'd never expected to come into his life, and invade his heart. She'd snaked her way in there, and he'd never noticed how much until they burned her body and he said those hateful things to Sam. A voice in the back of his head said that he should tell Sam he didn't mean what he said, but that was the problem wasn't it. If only Sam hadn't lied about the book, if only he'd left it alone, if only he'd done what Dean had wanted. 

So many ifs and all of them worth shit. 

“What's it going to cost? Cause that kind of magic does not come free. It comes with a price of blood. Thanks, but I'm good. ” Dean tells Cas walking away. A price that's already been too highly paid. A price that people he'd loved had already paid once before like his father. 

“No, you're not.” Cas starts and for a brief moment Dean wants to punch him, to just make him stop talking, but he holds back. “Maybe you could fight the Mark for years, maybe centuries like Cain did. But, not forever, and when you do turn, and you will. Sam and everyone you love could be long dead; everyone except me. I'm the one that will have to watch you murder the world.” 

The words burn through Dean in a visceral way that he can't quite explain. It's like Cas never once thought that he could keep Dean from the Mark's influence, or that maybe he wasn't willing to give Dean the chance to do it. It was like Sam and Cas could only see the book as the way out, and they weren't willing to look anywhere else. 

“So if there's a small chance we can save you I won't let you let you walk out of this room.” Cas starts, and this time the anger flares through Dean hot enough to burn.

“You think you have a choice.” Dean nearly sneers. 

“I think the Mark is changing you, the Dean I knew would never have killed that kid.” Cas nods towards the Styne boy on the floor behind him.  
For a brief moment Dean feels almost bad about it, then he replies to Cas, “Yeah, well that Dean's always been kind of a dick.” He remembers all the things he's done that he thought were for the best; selling his soul for Sam, letting Gadreel possess Sam, and most of all he remembers how all his good intentions have paved his way to this. How can Sam and Cas not understand that just because they have good intentions like removing the Mark it doesn't excuse the consequences. 

They may not know, but Dean knows. He knows the feeling of guilt as it overrides all the rest of you. As it haunts your dreams and your waking moments. Has no one learned from his past that good intentions do indeed carve the road to Hell. He moves to walk past Cas when Cas's hand stops him. 

“Dean, I don't want to have to hurt you.” Cas says

“I don't think that's going to be a problem.” he replies before grabbing Cas's hand and snapping his arm back violently. Cas defends himself before pleadingly saying Dean's name. 

How could he? How could betray him Dean wonders? The betrayal he feels at Sam and Cas is now immeasurable. Cas in particular because instead of trying to help him fight the Mark, or find another way to cure it he's gone behind Dean's back, and now he's admitting that Dean could have held out for centuries. Dean feels like a recovering addict that has never been trusted suddenly, as if the last few months since he was pumped full of Sam's blood after being a Demon he's never been trusted. Is this what his life has come to? People who don't trust or respect him? People who go behind his back, and lie to his face? People who involve innocents who get murdered all because of something he asked them NOT to do?

No Dean thinks as he continues to hit Cas. He won't be ignored anymore, he won't be treated like a child. 

Cas lands near the pile of books and with a groan says “Stop.” 

Stop, Dean wonder, he wants me to stop. Just like I wanted Sam to stop, and just like he wanted Cas to stop long before any of this began. Instead of Cas' begging breaking him it fuels the anger that burns through him. How dare Cas ask for anything after all he's done? How dare he act like he doesn't already think Dean's a monster?

He's punching Cas when the angel blade slides out, and he grips it tightly. Staring at Cas all he can feel is the anger rolling through him. 

“Dean, please.” Cas asks. 

Those words are enough. Not to stop him exactly, but to burn the fire within him to it's breaking point, and he slams the angel blade home. He doesn't feel better with the blade buried deep, but he knows that for the moment at least he's made the better choice. He's proven to himself that he's not the monster they seem to think he's become. He didn't actually stab Cas, but the fact that he realizes that stabbing Cas wasn't a Mark fueled idea reminds me that maybe he the Mark doesn't matter as much as they think it does. 

Cas and Sam seem to think removing them Mark will make him better, and maybe it will, but only to a point. Dean feels it deep down that there's something dark in him. Something he can't explain, maybe something the Mark feeds off. Regardless he's done with not being trusted, with be lied to his face, with everyone around him having their best intentions and not best ideas. 

He moves to walk away, and before he leaves he tells Cas that him and Sam should stay the Hell away from him because next time he won't miss. Dean knows it's true when he speaks the words, he won't miss, at least not on purpose next time. Burning with acidic anger and bitter sadness he leaves the bunker, the only he's ever really called home with Sam.


End file.
